Big Donkey

[Robyklebt]

February

5th in D3, 4746 points. We were actually pretty confident we would go back up to D2 immediately, even thought we would be 2nd-4th, but ok, 5th is good enough. We start March in a promotion spot 3009 points, if it was something like February we would announce our promotion now already. Since it isn't, there's shitloads of points to be collected, we don't. But certainly hope to go back to D1 in March, but well, not easy.

So a good month, 27 races, eh, eh...... 0 wins. Not a good month. Our spring-team 25 strikes for the first time. 2 climbers with 43 sprint, who would even lose a sprint vs our star classic with 44 sprint. Our sprinter Chassot is old, our hill sprinter Bucquoy is being flooded by countless newcomers, reluctant to ride, happy to tricksprint (not all of them all), so we knew that unlike in 24 we would have a lot of trouble winning. But hoped to avoid the 0 wins curse. We came close to the win a few times, both our climbers did well in their race, but it just wasn't to be. 27 races... we rode every day dammit, what did we miss? Ah, national championships! 2 wins! The month is saved! Ganambarr, a great win, 2 teams online, both 1 rider, 1 attack each, Ganambarr more sprint, a few km tempo to at least get away 1-2' from the peloton, then sprint, well only Ganambarr, the other onliner was more of a 5 km in the whole race onliner who didn't bother to sprint, (was hopeless vs Ganambarr anyway). Great! But somehow not enough to be the rider of the year. So should be Dixon, most points, Lachance, second.. why not... Ah, no, that other NC win. Italy. It is with a heavy heart that we have to announce the sad news. No, not the end of big Donkey. But it's almost the same. Enea Novelli winning the rider of the year award. The asshole, the flat training "refuser". The race in Italy was at least a race, 3 teams on, in the end Carrera helped a bit too much and was clearly beaten by the asshole.

Rider of the season: Enea Novelli: Thanks to Lanfredini's great tempo, he won the Italian national championship. He has little talent, a bad character and is generally unpopular with the riders and staff. Plus he trained only 6 flat, 2 of them rather late as well.

-Enea, congrats for your first and last rider of the season award.
-Thanks!
-Asshole
-No
-Asshole!!!
-Any questions?
-Asshole!!!!!!!
-Might be, but rider of the month. Not just presscenter drone like you little fatty!
-Asshole!!!! Stay polite, we at Big Donkey are always polite, friendly and helpful, harmonic and zen!
-Zen? More like Kamasutra for me, oh, just saw Dixon's girlfriend pass, sorry, gotta go!
-WAIT! Wait! Plans for March? Finally retirement?
-Why wait... it's Jenny there, see, she winked at me!
-Don't touch other riders' partners!! Answer the question!!!! Now!
-Ok, ok, prefer Uru's wife anyway, damn she's flexible! And when....
-THE QUESTION!
-What was it?
-Plans for March!
-That was what I was talking about, Jenny, the new Ethiopian might have a girlfr..
-CYCLING! Retirement?
-Ah, some cycling yes. Retirement? No, of course not, I'm having too much fun here, and now that I'm italian champion I can't be fired either. Yeah, I'll ride, try to win here and there, we'll see
-What race will you be leader?
-None I guess, but then I don't care, I ride for myself when I feel I have it in the legs, if it's more between the legs then I can help... it's sweet how they all beg me to ride for their husbands, so sometimes I do. But hell, in the end I rather be 12th than help some other guy winning. So I target everything.
-Ok, asshole that's it.
-Finally, see you fatty, I'll bring you Hamburgers next time, ah no, buy them yourself...
-OUT!

Finances:
+1'299'594. So ok, 27 days would mean we want 1,35 millions, a bit less, but after all we targeted points this month, so a bit more expensive teams often.

Training
Outstanding.
At 28+26 +2 and +1 mountain for our 2 climbers. Lanfredini +4 mountain. The problem is that none of these 3 seems a born winner. Ok, now double 86 climbers, excellent, on the day Firmian and Ownley have 85 form and my 2 heroes 100 they are all equally strong! Until we sprint at least. But we have the nagging suspicion their managers won't set the form in a way that this situation will ever happen in the Giro... oh well, still better with 86+86 than 84+85 as it was 1 month ago. Lanfredini there for Bucquoy, outstanding training so far. While we are happier than it probably sounds about our climbers, we still have some regrets about others.. Ganambarr, Fortuny, but ok, the latter should have trained earlier, not necessarily in February. But Ganambarr, one of our great hopes, on the cusp of becoming a real contender, and he stops his flat at 80. 82 would be enough, 84 better, 86 superb of course, but 80, pavé 79.1, sprint 65... he's just in the "just a little bit missing" category. Mountain 57 is ok, good even considering his training regime, had he trained to 82 or so flat we might change to mountain now, but 80 is just....he can't be ignored, but he can't confidently be called a good chance to win.

Retirement
Stanley Longbottom: 01.08.23-11.02.25. 327 races, number 19 in our team at the time of retirement, 1107 points and 1 win, Gravel and Tar in 2024. Starting skills: 48-67-79-51-48 Best skills: 61-80-71-51-48. A pretty standard 60-80, a perfect one almost, even if imperfect ones like 64-85 are much more perfect than 60-80 exactly... Considering his low starting skills, we can't complain about training, +13 on both skills. Unfortunately his younger twin, Henry, riding for an inferior team, Taka, in the end had a more successful individual career. 3 wins. But less points, 481 in 247 races, and was let go by his team already at the age of 32. 46-67-65-49-52 this starting skills, 50-83-62-49-53 his best skills. We of course still prefer Stanley. In the end Stanley had a solid career as a helper. Marquez and Garcia, 2 climbers that won races, he played his part in his win. But his career was a bit like his skills, good, solid, but nothing out of the ordinary. We thought about adding him to our staff, but he preferred going back to England, from what we heard he and his twin Stanley now have opened a luxury bakery somewhere in Cumbria. But we don't even know if he is actually from Cumbria, just the bakery is there. Thanks for the 327 races and good luck in this new part of your life!

New rider
Debretsion Kebede, from Aksum, Tigray, Ethiopia joined the team on 01.03.25 for 1'599'951 Starting skills: 53-69-52-48-65 with 36 reg, A hill sprinter, probably the one with the best starting skills we ever bought. Löffel 50-69 but 66 sprint, Bucquoy 53-63 only 59 sprint, Matsukaze 49-56, 64 sprint, Verkerk 55-64 with 56 sprint, Bogarin 51-68 and 61 sprint. So we are very excited to have him in the team obviously, and hope his good starting skills don't destroy the general training luck we had with those kind of riders so far. Hill sprinter obviously, mountain sprint up first, We hope to have a 58-69 with 77 or so sprint after the Giro, so in June. Until then we only expect training, training and more training from him. +5 mountain, perfect sprint sounds nice until then we'd take more mountain and 1 less sprint too. Anyway, he should take over from Bucquoy after the Giro, and he'll have good support already in place, Roy still decent we hope, while Lanfredini should reach his best around then. His career goals the usual, Milano-Sanremo above all.

Goals for March
Everything cat 4 or higher. Tirreno as stage race, then no Catalunya but De Panne/Harelbeke/Gent-Wevelgem. An eye on cat 3 too, cat 2 as well, and we'd take a cat 1 win too, 1 win anyway is another goal for March. But then yes, from Het Nieuwsblad to Gent-Wevelgem, everything!

[Chemnitz Pro Cycling Team]

February
Rider of the season: Enea Novelli: Thanks to Lanfredini's great tempo, he won the Italian national championship. He has little talent, a bad character and is generally unpopular with the riders and staff. Plus he trained only 6 flat, 2 of them rather late as well.

-Enea, congrats for your first and last rider of the season award.
-Thanks!
-Asshole
-No
-Asshole!!!
-Any questions?
-Asshole!!!!!!!
-Might be, but rider of the month. Not just presscenter drone like you little fatty!
-Asshole!!!! Stay polite, we at Big Donkey are always polite, friendly and helpful, harmonic and zen!
-Zen? More like Kamasutra for me, oh, just saw Dixon's girlfriend pass, sorry, gotta go!
-WAIT! Wait! Plans for March? Finally retirement?
-Why wait... it's Jenny there, see, she winked at me!
-Don't touch other riders' partners!! Answer the question!!!! Now!
-Ok, ok, prefer Uru's wife anyway, damn she's flexible! And when....
-THE QUESTION!
-What was it?
-Plans for March!
-That was what I was talking about, Jenny, the new Ethiopian might have a girlfr..
-CYCLING! Retirement?
-Ah, some cycling yes. Retirement? No, of course not, I'm having too much fun here, and now that I'm italian champion I can't be fired either. Yeah, I'll ride, try to win here and there, we'll see
-What race will you be leader?
-None I guess, but then I don't care, I ride for myself when I feel I have it in the legs, if it's more between the legs then I can help... it's sweet how they all beg me to ride for their husbands, so sometimes I do. But hell, in the end I rather be 12th than help some other guy winning. So I target everything.
-Ok, asshole that's it.
-Finally, see you fatty, I'll bring you Hamburgers next time, ah no, buy them yourself...
-OUT!

[Dagestan]

Donkey should consider himself lucky that Enea Novelli can't open a Fairplay-topic for defamation and harassment.

[Robyklebt]

Well, if anything I open a fairplay thread against him...

He said:

But hell, in the end I rather be 12th than help some other guy winning.

First race after the interview, Faun Drome... Uru leader, got 7th, and no help from Novelli. Novelli?

12. 00:00:05 Enea Novelli (Big Donkey)

This guy simply is an asshole.

[Robyklebt]

March

First place in D2 with 9048 points. Back to D1, we plan to stay until at least August. 3 wins. Wakara Ganambarr Omloop Het Nieuwsblad and E3 Harelbeke. Plus a stage win in Tirreno for Toulet. So a very good month.

The classics:
Omloop: 1. W. Gakanmbarr! Started brilliantly. One of the races we were missing, 22 rider group in the end, open sprint, quite a few candidates, Donkey with his own slow train for Ganambarr, was enough to win it, since nobody else did a train. Don't remember anything else... replay not working anymore when I checked. But the manner doesn't matter, it's finally winning it that counts, nothing else. Ganambarr was bought exactly for this, those annoying races where in the end you need sprint. We were often placed ok, but often the lack of sprint meant more than a placement was always unlikely, with Ganambarr it worked immediately. Our year 2025 was already saved on March 1st, regardless of what else happens, it won't be catastrophic. Here our Omloop Het Nieuwsblad history:

Het Volk
2007 18. W. Hadorn
2010 13. P. Guggisberg, 21. I. Duculescu
2011 4. B. Qian, 14. I. Duculescu
2012: 6. M. Leibundgut 8. L. Alighieri 16. F. Montandon
2013: 4. V. Villa 13. F. Mollagholipour
2014: 5. Y. Tabakov, 8. W. Ford, 15 S. Poggi
2015: 7. S. Saddler, 17. O. Generalic
2016: 3. C. Squarcialupi, 8. Q. Gfeller
2017: 2. M. Balderis, 4. N. Kashiwabara, 9. I. Rääts
2018: 8. G. Knoblauch
2019: 6. J. Valdelomar
2020: 2. T. Armas 5. S. Quttiboyev
2021: 4. I. Totakhyl 12. S. Lanz
2022: 6. T. Espariat 7. O. Lambert 8. G. Moretti
2023: 8. C. Drinkwater, 13. I. Vanuytsel, 18. A. Carpinteiro
2024: 5. M. Magritte, 14. C. Blake, 16. R. Henri
2025: 1. W. Ganambarr 8. C. Fortuny 20. C. Roy

Strade Bianche: 13. T. Uru. Wasn't great... but well, we didn't really have any plan for that race.

Milano-Sanremo: 5. C. Bucquoy Topform for Bucquoy, Lanfredini, Almirall, but not Roy, we thought others would have the same plan and go for hill sprinters. That turned out to be the case, so another not really exciting edition. Group actually should have gone through, but some farming prevented it. Esswein from Bahrain got back into the hill sprinter group, big favorite there, he won it too. Donkey with the wrong wheel, Fanta. A wheel I get, that worked, but thought his train would be faster. Finally a 5th place, which is ok

Milano-Torino: 2. A. Dixon, Topform for Dixon, but vs 90 Onley that wasn't enough. 2" back only, not bad, Dixon did well, but.. 90 is hard. Block with Lachance, maybe if we do it with Dixon, or then ride with Dixon alone more.. but normally somebody follows Dixon from the chasing group and beats him in the sprint.

De Panne: 10. A. Chassot. André5000-time, well age, isn't a joke, no chance despite 100 form. As really was expected.

E3: 1. W. Ganambarr: Ganambarr-mania starts! Is he already the second most successful pavé rider in the team ever? We'll do some research. Topform for everybody it seems. Ganambarr, Fortuny, Roy, Uru, and Koopman. Why Uru is still a bit of a mystery to me, he has no pavé at all. Ok for Sanremo and here top might have been the thought, but here top is pretty pointless. But ok, he helped in the chase at +5, might have been the decisive help? Lanfredini there for the flat probably would have been as fast all together. Interesting race, very lucky end for the Donkey. We did the hidden crocodile tactic, kept calling the ambulance, and the ambulance bit, Medical rode, Pituch and Ganambarr in the back, we never came back. The idea was to split all teams, mine too, but ok, have good help for Ganambarr in the back and lots of teams riding to come back. Good plan, but not too much tempo in the back, up to 1' advantage when we rode, then when the 2nd group was finally coming back Medical took over. But it was probably still too far when he started, later then he created a 5 man group at the Paterberg-Oude Kwaremont passage, still very far, but the group worked quite well, the back too though, after some Donks-begging others started to join... more and more, when Ganambarr went in in the last 4 or 5 km the others joined too, not expected at all, was meant as a thanks for the help, weaken Ganambarr a bit plus be faster too, wasn't going to cost that much anyway. All in, caught, barely, Donkey on the Dagestan train, wins from there rather clearly. Dagestan with a good train, but probably too strong, was clear everybody had to go there, then he couldn't win anymore most likely. Pituch waiting for another Taka helped too. Very lucky, all went perfectly. Advice for other managers (The Donkey likes telling others what to do, even if maybe sometimes he's wrong: Help earlier. By waiting, making it a last km catch, you're then caught in the mass, in the tempo and escapes become basically impossible. Early help, catch the group in front earlier, ideally 10 km or so from the end, and it opens up the race, then all of the sudden only the Donkey rides. Ok, he will have saved on for that if the pace is high early, but let that guy ride 3 km and he can't hold shit anymore either. Attacks, counters, tempo in peloton by those that missed it, might still make it a sprint (that's what often happens), but chances are better for a win than in a sprint where Ganambarr was the strongest, not by an enormous margin, but still quite clearly the strongest sprinter, 65 vs 59, some 61-62 but not fit. So lucky Donks it was again. Excellent. As seen by the form settings, E3 was more important, even if we failed less there, rode it fewer times than Omloop, but just seemed more important. And less opportunities in the future, we might go back to Catalunya often, while we won't miss Omloop, we'll never ride the parallel tour, UAE usually, not this year though.

Gent-Wevelgem: 4. W. Ganambarr. Actually my favorite race of those Belgian races, worst one to design, absolutely hated that when I stupidly agreed to do that. But otherwise... Maybe because in the 80es in the Gazzetta that seemed the most important of them, ok, except Flanders of course(but in the 80es Italians hardly started there, Moser yes, rest rather not, Saronni, might have actually fit him quite well, never went there as far as I know.) While Gent-Wevelgem had Italian riders and winners (no internet then, for the youngsters, so the Donkey fully relied on the Gazzetta dello Sport (and ok, swiss general newspaper). E3, never heard of that then, Omloop, before the season starts, that's with Paris-Nice followed by Sanremo. So GW I value more than E3 etc, and since I deeply dislike Flanders at c4f (most predictable monument) so GW is my favorite c4f flemish classic. Anyway, the race, not much happening, first hilly section Uru happily siebing, Ganambarr back, didn't have that much of a plan there, wasn't a hidden croc this time. Try and see. Same the second time, there twice actually I got a good situation in front, once 5 Donkeys, but no Ganambarr, next 4 Donkeys including Ganambarr.. .but didn't ride, probably should have. Last passage of the Kemmelberg, a bit behind the peloton, come back, in front a 5 man group that doesn't cooperate, Medical has his leader in the back rides there, chase from behind too, Donks helps a bit, tries an attack, but that had no chance really. Sprint 4th, not a real danger, the attack before hurt, Lüthi was following, unwanted, he was there for the sprint at this point. Him fit, slightly better chances in sprint, but still small vs Jungo, deserved victory by him.

So a good classic season, almost perfect. Yes, no Sanremo. But while of course I would love to win Sanremo every year, getting the 2 only missing classics in our palmarès was simply more important in 25. Mission accomplished! Time to retire. No no, sorry, stop the party, the Donkey stays.

Stage race:
Only Tirreno, was there for points. Bring both climbers, get placements for both, score points, go up. Lachance 3rd, that was the goal after seeing the opponents, Dixon 9th, we hoped a bit more, but ok. Got a stage win in sprint with Toulet, wonderful. 1540 points, second most there and even money was a small plus, 139'070. Thanks to the stage win too of course, Bucquoy for Toulet, Toulet wins, Bucquoy third, unexpected plus, good for points too. So satisfied with Tirreno too, we weren't really there to win anything, thought pretty hopeless, we hoped to score points, which we did. Ah, Toulet might have had 100 form there!

Rider of the month.
Without a doubt Wakara Ganambarr:

-Wakara, congratulations. Rider of the season!
-Thanks!
-Omloop and E3 Harelbeke. The 2 missing classics in one go! Incredible!
-Yes, of course I hoped to win, of course I knew I could play a role, but winning both was fantastic! Big thanks to the team as well, Lanfredini, Roy, Fortuny, Uru too, they did an incredible job.
-Lanfredini?
-Yes, he was ok to sacrifice himself earlier, in E3 we thought it would make sense to protect him and keep him for late, but Gurruwiwi in the teamcar said otherwise, Uru the man to protect, so we did it worked. But Lanfredini still was big. So where the others. Roy and Fortuny with their train for me Ninowe after all the work, the great mass tempo by everybody on the way to Harelbeke. Perfect team. Can't complain at all, if anything they should, I didn't deliver in other races, Gent-Wevelgem, but also Le Samyn for example.
-Nobody cares about Le Samyn.
-Well true, but still, a win there too would have been nice. But of course winning 2 races of such importance, not only to the team but in general is already fantastic.
-With these 2 wins, you are already a strong candidate for rider of the year 25! You really put Elcho Island on the map as well!
-No.. that was cartographers. But I prefer to call it Galiwinku.
-I didn't mean it literally, it means that now people know about Elc, eh Galiwinku.
-I know it wasn't mean literally, I just politely offered you a chance to correct your mistake. No, I didn't put Galiwinku on the map. Dr. G. Yunupingu did that, the famous musician.
-Ah, Yothu Yindi!
-No, different one, that one was related to us, but not from Galiwinku. That was Dr. M. Yunupingu. The brother of Dr. Yunupingu, the famous aboriginal lands rights leader. But yes, they put us, the Yolngu on the map, way before I came along. As for cycling, before me there was Galarrwuy Rrurrambu, he won a stage at the Tour de France. There was Baykali Gurruwiwi too. It's insulting to claim that I put Galiwinku on the map.
-Well, Gurruwiwi never won much.
-Double Australian champion. But ok, he wasn't as widely known as Galarrwuy of course, but still, please show some respect to my people!
-I wasn't trying to insult you, I would never dare, after all the Big Boss, the Big Donkey has made it clear that you are never to be criticized! Only praised. You are the man!
-That's insulting to all the other men in the world.
-Not to Novelli, he's a man in name only.
-Ok, ok, let's leave that guy out of it...
-Ok, what I meant to say is that you are now incredibly well known and popular, how do you deal with that?
-Well, personally it's not a problem, but it has created a huge problem for Galarrwuy. His cycling school on Galiwinku, now 100% of children between 6 and 18 are inscribed. It was a lot before, but since my win at Omloop it went up to 100%. And that's a problem. We are a small community on Galiwinku, we have music, handicraft, culture. We can't neglect that ,we can't all just go for cycling, or other sports, we need to keep our culture alive. So the popularity of cycling simply is not sustainable. So it seems Rrurrambu will close his cycling school, when is still open, but he won't accept any more children into the school. It's a shame, since it benefitted not only Galiwinku, but the mainland as well, it's a bit unfortunate that I come from Galiwinku.. had I come from Arnhem Land, maybe the situation wouldn't have deteriorated so much. But it is what it is, once I retire I plan to go back home and help repair the damage I did, I'll help my older brothers in their workshop.
-A bakery?
-Bakery? Why a bakery? No, they make Coolamons.
-Ok, what about Rider of the year, any comment?
-It's a bit early.. but of course I want to win more as well, but let's take it slowly and concentrate on April first!
-April... Ronde or Roubaix?
-Both, I target both, obviously.I start as leader in both, with Fortuny I have a very strong guy on my side. If I have a puncture or a crash, we still can win with him. Too bad he doesn't sprint so well, but his leadout in Ninove was superb, if he can do that for himself... who knows. Also if I drop on the Oude Kwaremont or Paterberg, or somewhere in Roubaix, Baykali will decide then if Fortuny should wait or not.
-So Baykali stays even if Rrurrambu closes his cycling club?
-In April yes, after that, they are still negotiating, but certainly he won't stay full time. Possibly part time, some months here, some months back home.
-What about the Giro, the Tour, the Vuelta. Any chance we will see you there?
-That's the Big Donkey's decision, of course I'd like to race and win something in GTs too, I don't see my career as being over after the north. I still have lots of goals. But my race program will be made by the Big Donkey and the DS, for the North I'm the leader, after that they will have to see what races fit, where I can help, where I can lead.
-Ok, thanks for the interview and see you in a month!
-Hopefully

Finances
+1'312'569, so a bit under our goal of 1,5 millions (that should probably be 1,55 if the month has 31 days) Tirreno, points, so finally we are happy with this, was a conscious decision to sacrifice some money to get some points.

Training
Outstaning training once again by La, eh sorry, sorry, stop hitting me. Ganambarr! He lost a downhill point, so is a bit cheaper than he would be without in April. While still being competitive. Also quite acceptable training for Lanfredini, 1 flat, 2 mountain to reach 61-85, lost a TT, which is positive. So he trained almost as well as Ganambarr. Toulet at 24 with 4x sprint, so that's good too. Uru 75 mountain now, very nice. So satisfied with our march training.

Retirement
Nobody. We're young!

New riders
Lukas Winzenried from Ostermundigen joined the team on 01.03.2025. For 1'710'171. 95%. His skills: 46-73-54-70-61 with 75.7 pavé and 35 reg. Internal pavé 82. So a pa.. hey! Go away! Who are you?
-I'm here for the interview.
-No interview, we don't interview fans, regardless of age, Go away. Don't hit me! HELP!
-ANTON!!!! Don't interrupt the press secretary!
-Hey Roby, I want an interview!
-I'm the Big Donkey, not Robyklebt!
-Yes, I'm Anton Hasler, so why would I care who you are? I'm rider of the month every month, by contract, give me my awards, OR an interview!
-Ok, an interview. Good morning Mr. Has
-Not with you, I want a professional. An interview with you is like sex with a doll.
-You tried?
-ROBY, bring the press secretary!
-I'm the Donkey, dammit. And you just beat the guy, he bleeds! All over his face! Plus he's only a professional in the widest sense of the word anyway, he gets payed for it, very little, and he's also not very good. Can't find a better one, believe me I tried.
-Well, maybe that's because you force your press secretaries to stay anonymous, they can't make a name for themselves, who'd want to work like that?
-Anyway, can't you just go? Please? We are on a tight schedule here, short and concise is our motto.
-I N T E R V I E W! Or we see each other in court, about all my awards. I'm Anton Hasler the best! I get what I deserve. Now!
-Ok, ok, come back press guy!
-Hello Anton, short please, I need Medical Services!
-Ok, hello, but call me Mr. Hasler, you see this cane, it will hit you again.
-Hello Mr. Hasler, what would you like to talk about.
-Cycling ,Pavé, you moron. I'm so happy. I'm ecstatic! I danced 12 hours straight!
-We all are, ok, maybe not the dancing, but Ganambarr.. great!
-Ganambarr? Oh come on, the guy is an amateur.
-Big Donkey!!! Big Donkey! Where is he? Come back! Mr. Hasler, we only praise Wakara here!
-I did, he's an amateur, that's an upgrade to the usual shit we have in our team.
-Ah, that's ok then.. we dance for Amateurs.
-NO, Lukas Winzenried! Finally. Finally. Finally a decent rider!
-You like him?
-Of course I like him. We're even related, my daughter married a Winzenried, so he's my, not sure, could be grandson, could me further down, the time thing here at c4f is a bit complicated, I'm not sure how much I aged since retirements, at the usual rate or at this so called real life rate? Anyway, we're related. Don't you see it? He has my genes. 46 mountain, nobody needs more than that, I even forgot how much I had, mountain is simply unimportant. 73, good flat, I had 85, Lukas will get more. Better material of course, nowadays my rating would be 91 or 92. At least. 70 TT is a bit weak, I had over 80., 83 or 84? sprint, 61, I had 69, 70 even a short while possibly. So look at him again in a few months. 46-87-50-70-68. 85.5 pavé. Who does this guy remind you off? If you don't say Anton Hasler you're an even bigger idiot than your boss thinks.
-Now that you say it... Winzenried indeed has some similarities with Hasler!!!! It's true!
-Mr. Hasler.
-Mr. Hasler! Wow! He's really a bit like you.
-Do you even know who I am?
-Of course, you're a legend! You jsut aged a bit, but not sure how much really. But you're the guy that won his first 7 pavé races! You're a legend, best pavé rider of all times. I'd say that even if you didn't have a cane. But you speak more than you used to.
-Well, age changes people. A bit. I talk more, but still talk sense. And I'm not only the best pavé rider of all times, I'm the reason for the continued existence of this team. Without me and my success, Robyklebt would have stopped this game after April 2006. If not March.
-So Petit Singe would have taken over earlier?
-No you moron, no Petit Singe. I don't see the difference between these 3 guys, they seem the same, just every new incarnation seems a bit fatter than the last, so this one probably the last, can't get any fatter.
-But they are different people! The holy trinity!
-BS. Ok, never looked at them that closely, don't like to spend too much time with idiots, so I'll leave you soon again too. But they talk the same, equally inept, toxic, dumb, they are the same, And if not it doesn't matter because they are the same.
-Yes Mr. Hasler, Sir.
-Sir, I like Sir.
-So you like Winzenried, any advice?
-Yes, train hard, train flat, train sprint, win. Don't get distracted, move away from Ostermundigen, the big city is no good, move to Walperswil, he can move to my house, don't take warm baths, be a pro. Be the second best. After your grandfather, or whatever I am.
-Ostermundigen is not really a big city...
-Bern, big city, Ostermundigen, suburb, Same, I'm Anton Hasler, I know my geography.
-Yes Mr Hasler. Lukas for Roubaix?
-Of course. Roubaix and Flanders.
-Isn't Flanders a bit too hilly for him?
-NO. I would have won Flanders. Easy. Cobblestones. That's Anton Hasler. But Robyklebt didn't ride it. By the way, all this excitement about this Gummibär ignor
-GANAMBARR, Mr. Hasler, GANAMBARR, we only praise him, he's very very great!
-Yes, I don't speak whatever language that is, no harm intended, but then the guy is so unimportant it doesn't matter, so I'll try, this Ga, what did you say his name was?
-Wakara Ganambarr.
-What a girly name, Wakara, ok, all the excitement about this Wakara winning Omloop and E3, yeah great, but it ignores the simple fact that these races didn't exist when I rode. Had they, I would have won them then. Easy. Boom. Anton Hasler wins Omloop Het Volk and E3 Harelbeke. I'm an honest tax paying swiss, so I have never petitioned to add them to my palmares, even if it would be the right thing to do, since there can't be the slightest doubt that I would have won both of them solo. But I only want what I've earned. So ok, no Het Volk, no E3,. But I would have. So yes, this Wakara was the first, but does it matter? I would have won them. Actually they probably were only created because of me, because of how good I was on pavé, how popular races became thanks to me. From 2007 on, they existed. Thanks to me.
-Still, the very very great Ganambarr did win them.
-I'm happy for him, for the team, and whatever, but he's nowhere near my, or even Lukis level. Mark my words. Luki will make Wakara luki like the amateur he is. Hihi, luki will make luki, hihi, great pun.. .yes, I worked on my sense of humor a bit, the grandchildren never wanted to visit me, I was too stern my sons and daughers told me.
-Yes I see Mr. Hasler, good you're so nice and friendly now. Can I go now, the ambulance is here...
-Yes, but you haven't said what Lukas will do in the future yet, you usually do that.
- What you said Mr. Hasler. He'll train flat and sprint, no results expected in April and May yet, Ganambarr
-You ride for the amateur when you have luki, what a waste, but maybe you get lucky.. hihihi hihihihihihihihihi, hihihihihihiihihihihihi
-Yes... eh, ok, from June on we then expect more of him, in the pavé tour we think he can ride for wins already, then next year in April Roubaix, about Flanders we're not so sure, you would have won it, but cycling changed. Thank you, buy, take me away please medical service guys!
-CHANGED? No, Cycling is still about power, pavé, no pity, win, dominate, demolish, demotivate your opponents. Like Anton Hasler. Hey.. I want some more questions!
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-HEY. I'm Anton Hasler. Don't ignore me!
-Anton, go home.. you're old, you're tired.
-MR. HASLER Roby!
-Big Donkey, no, go home Anton! We work here. You're old, bored, alone, I know, I promise, we'll send Luki to visit you, but go, please.
-But we're not finished, we have to talk about the goals for April, I know, I'm Anton Hasler, I know everything, I read this press release every month.
-Anton.... go home. No need for goals, everybody knows. Why repeat the same shit over and over. The press secretary is bleeding to death almost because of you, we skip it.
-I can do it! The goals for the team in April is Paris-Roubaix, even with only that Amateur and the other guy, Fortuny that's the only goal
-ANTON.. true, it's one of the goals, but leave us alone now, I'm tired, you're tired, or should be, somehow you don't seem to be.. but don't talk that much, we want to finish this. Everybody knows our goals for April.
-Not weedn.
-WHo the bloody fuck is weedn.
-Not sure, but when I got interviews, sometimes the press secretary mentioned some weedn..
-GO HOME.
-Mr. Donkey...
-OH, Gurruwiwi here, what are you doing here, want to be our new press secretary?
-No, I like fame, don't want to be anonymous. Just wanted to say, Mr. Hasler is indeed great, his Paris-Roubaix, a masterpiece
-I know, my plan
-Rooooooooooobyyyyyyyyyyy! MY LEGS, mini scheiche gopferdami, huärä dubu du, chum
-Sorry, my suggestion, Anton's legs.
-Yes, but as great as he was
-IS!
-is, if we want to finish this, just turn the camera off?
-No camera, this is text...
-No, it's a camera disguised as text for the group of retarded people who frequent this forum, just turn it off, and all is good. All the yelling is disturbing our team meeting, what went wrong today in
-Don't tell stuff about April
-Hey, can somebody ask me something?
-Anton, go home!
-Donkey, turn it off, it's the camera
-No, Gurruwiwi, it's text, see, there is this camera if I turn it off, absolutely nothing will happ