Big Donkey

[Robyklebt]

February

5th in D3, 4746 points. We were actually pretty confident we would go back up to D2 immediately, even thought we would be 2nd-4th, but ok, 5th is good enough. We start March in a promotion spot 3009 points, if it was something like February we would announce our promotion now already. Since it isn't, there's shitloads of points to be collected, we don't. But certainly hope to go back to D1 in March, but well, not easy.

So a good month, 27 races, eh, eh...... 0 wins. Not a good month. Our spring-team 25 strikes for the first time. 2 climbers with 43 sprint, who would even lose a sprint vs our star classic with 44 sprint. Our sprinter Chassot is old, our hill sprinter Bucquoy is being flooded by countless newcomers, reluctant to ride, happy to tricksprint (not all of them all), so we knew that unlike in 24 we would have a lot of trouble winning. But hoped to avoid the 0 wins curse. We came close to the win a few times, both our climbers did well in their race, but it just wasn't to be. 27 races... we rode every day dammit, what did we miss? Ah, national championships! 2 wins! The month is saved! Ganambarr, a great win, 2 teams online, both 1 rider, 1 attack each, Ganambarr more sprint, a few km tempo to at least get away 1-2' from the peloton, then sprint, well only Ganambarr, the other onliner was more of a 5 km in the whole race onliner who didn't bother to sprint, (was hopeless vs Ganambarr anyway). Great! But somehow not enough to be the rider of the year. So should be Dixon, most points, Lachance, second.. why not... Ah, no, that other NC win. Italy. It is with a heavy heart that we have to announce the sad news. No, not the end of big Donkey. But it's almost the same. Enea Novelli winning the rider of the year award. The asshole, the flat training "refuser". The race in Italy was at least a race, 3 teams on, in the end Carrera helped a bit too much and was clearly beaten by the asshole.

Rider of the season: Enea Novelli: Thanks to Lanfredini's great tempo, he won the Italian national championship. He has little talent, a bad character and is generally unpopular with the riders and staff. Plus he trained only 6 flat, 2 of them rather late as well.

-Enea, congrats for your first and last rider of the season award.
-Thanks!
-Asshole
-No
-Asshole!!!
-Any questions?
-Asshole!!!!!!!
-Might be, but rider of the month. Not just presscenter drone like you little fatty!
-Asshole!!!! Stay polite, we at Big Donkey are always polite, friendly and helpful, harmonic and zen!
-Zen? More like Kamasutra for me, oh, just saw Dixon's girlfriend pass, sorry, gotta go!
-WAIT! Wait! Plans for March? Finally retirement?
-Why wait... it's Jenny there, see, she winked at me!
-Don't touch other riders' partners!! Answer the question!!!! Now!
-Ok, ok, prefer Uru's wife anyway, damn she's flexible! And when....
-THE QUESTION!
-What was it?
-Plans for March!
-That was what I was talking about, Jenny, the new Ethiopian might have a girlfr..
-CYCLING! Retirement?
-Ah, some cycling yes. Retirement? No, of course not, I'm having too much fun here, and now that I'm italian champion I can't be fired either. Yeah, I'll ride, try to win here and there, we'll see
-What race will you be leader?
-None I guess, but then I don't care, I ride for myself when I feel I have it in the legs, if it's more between the legs then I can help... it's sweet how they all beg me to ride for their husbands, so sometimes I do. But hell, in the end I rather be 12th than help some other guy winning. So I target everything.
-Ok, asshole that's it.
-Finally, see you fatty, I'll bring you Hamburgers next time, ah no, buy them yourself...
-OUT!

Finances:
+1'299'594. So ok, 27 days would mean we want 1,35 millions, a bit less, but after all we targeted points this month, so a bit more expensive teams often.

Training
Outstanding.
At 28+26 +2 and +1 mountain for our 2 climbers. Lanfredini +4 mountain. The problem is that none of these 3 seems a born winner. Ok, now double 86 climbers, excellent, on the day Firmian and Ownley have 85 form and my 2 heroes 100 they are all equally strong! Until we sprint at least. But we have the nagging suspicion their managers won't set the form in a way that this situation will ever happen in the Giro... oh well, still better with 86+86 than 84+85 as it was 1 month ago. Lanfredini there for Bucquoy, outstanding training so far. While we are happier than it probably sounds about our climbers, we still have some regrets about others.. Ganambarr, Fortuny, but ok, the latter should have trained earlier, not necessarily in February. But Ganambarr, one of our great hopes, on the cusp of becoming a real contender, and he stops his flat at 80. 82 would be enough, 84 better, 86 superb of course, but 80, pavé 79.1, sprint 65... he's just in the "just a little bit missing" category. Mountain 57 is ok, good even considering his training regime, had he trained to 82 or so flat we might change to mountain now, but 80 is just....he can't be ignored, but he can't confidently be called a good chance to win.

Retirement
Stanley Longbottom: 01.08.23-11.02.25. 327 races, number 19 in our team at the time of retirement, 1107 points and 1 win, Gravel and Tar in 2024. Starting skills: 48-67-79-51-48 Best skills: 61-80-71-51-48. A pretty standard 60-80, a perfect one almost, even if imperfect ones like 64-85 are much more perfect than 60-80 exactly... Considering his low starting skills, we can't complain about training, +13 on both skills. Unfortunately his younger twin, Henry, riding for an inferior team, Taka, in the end had a more successful individual career. 3 wins. But less points, 481 in 247 races, and was let go by his team already at the age of 32. 46-67-65-49-52 this starting skills, 50-83-62-49-53 his best skills. We of course still prefer Stanley. In the end Stanley had a solid career as a helper. Marquez and Garcia, 2 climbers that won races, he played his part in his win. But his career was a bit like his skills, good, solid, but nothing out of the ordinary. We thought about adding him to our staff, but he preferred going back to England, from what we heard he and his twin Stanley now have opened a luxury bakery somewhere in Cumbria. But we don't even know if he is actually from Cumbria, just the bakery is there. Thanks for the 327 races and good luck in this new part of your life!

New rider
Debretsion Kebede, from Aksum, Tigray, Ethiopia joined the team on 01.03.25 for 1'599'951 Starting skills: 53-69-52-48-65 with 36 reg, A hill sprinter, probably the one with the best starting skills we ever bought. Löffel 50-69 but 66 sprint, Bucquoy 53-63 only 59 sprint, Matsukaze 49-56, 64 sprint, Verkerk 55-64 with 56 sprint, Bogarin 51-68 and 61 sprint. So we are very excited to have him in the team obviously, and hope his good starting skills don't destroy the general training luck we had with those kind of riders so far. Hill sprinter obviously, mountain sprint up first, We hope to have a 58-69 with 77 or so sprint after the Giro, so in June. Until then we only expect training, training and more training from him. +5 mountain, perfect sprint sounds nice until then we'd take more mountain and 1 less sprint too. Anyway, he should take over from Bucquoy after the Giro, and he'll have good support already in place, Roy still decent we hope, while Lanfredini should reach his best around then. His career goals the usual, Milano-Sanremo above all.

Goals for March
Everything cat 4 or higher. Tirreno as stage race, then no Catalunya but De Panne/Harelbeke/Gent-Wevelgem. An eye on cat 3 too, cat 2 as well, and we'd take a cat 1 win too, 1 win anyway is another goal for March. But then yes, from Het Nieuwsblad to Gent-Wevelgem, everything!

[Chemnitz Pro Cycling Team]

February
Rider of the season: Enea Novelli: Thanks to Lanfredini's great tempo, he won the Italian national championship. He has little talent, a bad character and is generally unpopular with the riders and staff. Plus he trained only 6 flat, 2 of them rather late as well.

-Enea, congrats for your first and last rider of the season award.
-Thanks!
-Asshole
-No
-Asshole!!!
-Any questions?
-Asshole!!!!!!!
-Might be, but rider of the month. Not just presscenter drone like you little fatty!
-Asshole!!!! Stay polite, we at Big Donkey are always polite, friendly and helpful, harmonic and zen!
-Zen? More like Kamasutra for me, oh, just saw Dixon's girlfriend pass, sorry, gotta go!
-WAIT! Wait! Plans for March? Finally retirement?
-Why wait... it's Jenny there, see, she winked at me!
-Don't touch other riders' partners!! Answer the question!!!! Now!
-Ok, ok, prefer Uru's wife anyway, damn she's flexible! And when....
-THE QUESTION!
-What was it?
-Plans for March!
-That was what I was talking about, Jenny, the new Ethiopian might have a girlfr..
-CYCLING! Retirement?
-Ah, some cycling yes. Retirement? No, of course not, I'm having too much fun here, and now that I'm italian champion I can't be fired either. Yeah, I'll ride, try to win here and there, we'll see
-What race will you be leader?
-None I guess, but then I don't care, I ride for myself when I feel I have it in the legs, if it's more between the legs then I can help... it's sweet how they all beg me to ride for their husbands, so sometimes I do. But hell, in the end I rather be 12th than help some other guy winning. So I target everything.
-Ok, asshole that's it.
-Finally, see you fatty, I'll bring you Hamburgers next time, ah no, buy them yourself...
-OUT!

[Dagestan]

Donkey should consider himself lucky that Enea Novelli can't open a Fairplay-topic for defamation and harassment.

[Robyklebt]

Well, if anything I open a fairplay thread against him...

He said:

But hell, in the end I rather be 12th than help some other guy winning.

First race after the interview, Faun Drome... Uru leader, got 7th, and no help from Novelli. Novelli?

12. 00:00:05 Enea Novelli (Big Donkey)

This guy simply is an asshole.